Of the Talmud, and his Rifle.
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." -- from the TalmudShe is a toothless, chubby cherub of an old woman, her worn floral print nightgown overflowing on her 4.5 foot frame. Her basset hound eyes are barely visible beneath thick round 1960's headlight glasses. She sits at a metal table outside the Mug Cafe. I see her every time I make the short walk here from my office for an afternoon jumpstart, because this table is her office. She sells rosaries. The plastic kind-- lime green, dusty black, made-en-mass. She is one of so many here trying to eek out an honest living selling plastic nothings on the street. As I sit in the cafe and gaze out the window, I notice how she and the khaki-suited guard have built an easy camaraderie, passing a lazy afternoon with her head tilted up toward him, his tilted down, resting on the handle of his rifle. They chat.
I leave my espresso wonderland and pass her table, and the conversation between them halts. I dont have to look at her face to feel those basset hound eyes cajoling me. “Señorita,” she squeaks, “Comprame algo, por favor.” (Buy something from me, please.) The words lilt, automated, just another day of asking for a little to survive her lot in life.
Two evenings ago, the city of San Salvador had a one night stand with psychological terror. Someone sent emails to the major media around the country claiming that, that night, the gangs were going to attack the civilian population. Salvadorans live in one of the most violent countries in the world, and they're aware that life outside high walls and barbed wire is an undeclared street war. A rumor like this is thus real whether or not it happens because it strikes the fount of our fear. It must be taken seriously. At 5pm, it was. People got into buses and cars in a thinly controlled flee for home. Public spaces became ghost towns. Footage on the nightly news of the biggest mall in Central America, Metrocentro, showed one solitary woman dashing for cover between the pillars in the mall´s sparkling central plaza. At the time, I was in a taxi on my way to meet a deadline, bound to a standstill behind miles of taillights. I began to imagine jumping my nervous tapping feet from roof to roof along this continuum of paralyzed cars.
It happens that on this night, not many more people were killed than normal, which means it illustrated El Salvador well. For instance: 6.30pm. Upper-class area of town, outside the Jesuit University of Central America. He was in his mid 30's and he worked with my roommates in an outsourced telephone help center for US companies. While talking on his cell phone with his father, walking down the sidewalk, a car pulls up beside and shoots. His dad, having heard it happen, tries to call back. His son is already dead. When my roommates told me this story they couldn't help but bleed into reminiscing about the multiple other workmates they've lost to random violence. “…Oh, I remember the day we heard about Nelson. That was the day before they promoted me.” In fact, whenever the conversation turns to violence, it becomes a slippery slope of friends, neighbors, family, acquaintances. One aspect of these deaths is clear: they are as normal as promotions. In all places in the world, death is a part of life. What I'm hearing from my roommates is that here, it is a part of youth.
I return to the present moment, and hear her plea. I am Jesuit-educated; I grew up in a place where everyone is to be treated as neighbor; and I believe, desperately, in humanity. Yet the rifle in the crook of his khaki arm gleams in my peripheral vision. I don't even look at her cherub face as I abandon her, and tumble back to the office.
-- October 2009


In a 

